HOMELY PLANET

Ah man.

I'm close. I really am. The fruit is within grasp. I almost have all my lines memorized for "Accidental Death of an Anarchist." And there are a mountain of lines. A great jolly shitload. A mass. A testament's worth.

But this is a PHYSICAL play. The lines are important, yes. But it's Dario Fo. This is about slapstick and clowning and crazy accents and impersonation. And while I have always believed that I am capable getting up on a stage and engaging a crowd, I know that I am no clown, no slapstick guy, no natural at physical comedy. I did train it, yeah, but it was always my weakest area. But I've always been good at farce, which requires perfect timing, so it's a mixed bag, I guess.

The lines are almost there for most of us, but I am now official shitting myself because the REAL work is about to begin. The actual acting. The big choices. And this role I have now is probably the most demanding I've EVER done. I could brush it all of by saying that this is an amateur production in Pusan fucking Korea and they'll be happy with what they get, but I ain't havin' it. I want to be great, I want the show to be great, but I know there is so much left to be done, and I'm not even talking about all of the technical considerations such as set and costumes and all of that.

I've taken to reading various reviews of of other productions of the play, and this is where I am frightened. It's probably not a good idea to compare your production against others - you don't want to psyche yourself out or any of that - but I've been reading these reviews for some inspiration and direction. But every time I read a review it seems to drive home how short of the mark I am right now. There is a high bar set for this role, an atmospheric setting, and I want to make a good shot at it.

A friend of mine - a nontheater friend who isn't involved with the production - asked me tonight: "Isn't three months for rehearsal for only four performances a bit of a letdown? Isn't it like four hours of foreplay for only two minutes of sex.?"

Yeah, he's right, but I can honestly say that this show is about the process, about the rehearsals, about the playing and discovery and all of that shit. The performances will be the cherry on the cake. But more important are the rehearsals for me. First of all, they give me something to DO, more than something, but the thing I like best to do. Secondly I'm rediscovering why I got involved with this nonsense to begin with. And finally, it's FUN. And having fun is the most important thing in my life.

It's natural to be doubtful and insecure at this point in the process. But this process is different given the location and circumstance.

Just today I was walking through the city with my script in hand. I turned down a sidesreet into a little market, where the smells of cooking pigmeat and garlic and ginseng and raw fish slammed into my nostrils, accompanied by the low whine of Pusan Korean. All the while I was reviewing a speech, in ENGLISH, from an Italian play. I was speaking it out loud while sauntering through a pungent and dark little market. My first though was 'This is very strange. This is wierd. I'm in KOREA, but I'm not doing a KOREAN thing.' Then I thought, 'Wow, this is so INTERNATIONAL. I really have left America, haven't I? Not just geographically, but in so many other ways.'

This made me very happy. So even if the play - and I - eat a big dick, the experience will have been worth it. It's unlike any I've had before...